By: Efrat Shmuelian

When a baby is born, he is born with an instinct built into him - to look for direction.

For there to be direction, there needs to be someone to direct. Need a compass. He needs someone to guide him, to take care of him, to carry him on his shoulders. Someone to lay your head on and put your full trust in. Safely, at rest.

For direction, there needs to be someone to look up to, sip from and be open to receive and learn the world through.

The instinct, as mentioned, is already built into the child, and it is our job as parents, caregivers and educators to take this opportunity with both hands and be there for him.

Basically what we are asking is for the child to be connected to us, to want to be near us, to have eyes for us, to love us more than anything else. Or in one word - we want attachment.

Attachment = an internal drive that drives us to pursue closeness with the people we love.

In other, distant times, attachment was self-evident. It didn't even have to be defined.

The child would have grown up near his parents, grandparents, uncles and naturally this connection would have been created which on the one hand is so simple and on the other hand special and precious, irreplaceable.

But today, other times have arrived. A forerunner that brought with it a lot of blessing, but at the same time took the child out of his natural environment, so that this seemingly simple process has already become less obvious and it requires clarification and deepening on this topic so that the attachment deepens and develops and allows us to perform our role as adults in the child's life.

Why, as a music class teacher, or any other class, is it so important that the child be connected to me?

Why is it actually important for anyone who comes to teach a class in a kindergarten, a daycare center or a classroom for about half an hour to an hour a week?

A few years ago I arrived at the kindergarten where I taught a class during the year (rhythmics), this after the week before I was absent from the class. That day, throughout the class, one of the girls, who usually cooperated and listened, did not stop talking and interrupting. I wondered the meaning of this but I didn't dwell on it so as not to disturb the flow of the lesson and at the end of the lesson I got an answer to my question... Just before we finished she suddenly said 'Where were you last week? I was waiting for you and you didn't come, so I drew you a picture' and she went to the drawer, took out a drawing and handed it to me 'Here, this is the picture I drew for you'.

It was a very defining moment that made me realize I was on the right track.

So it's true, the future of these children does not depend on us and we are only a small comma of their lives.

When we come to teach in the class, we build a goal for ourselves, create a challenge that is beyond the fun and enjoyment in the class.

Of course we want the children to have an enjoyable experience and have fun. But this is only the tool, a tool for a greater purpose - to convey a message, to teach, to instill values, to develop different intelligences and more.

In order to succeed and achieve this goal, the child needs to be attentive to us and want to receive from us. If we do not have the child's heart in our hands, if he is not connected to us, no matter how much fun it will be, no matter how much he plays, plays and cooperates, something of this will remain in the superficial layer and will not seep in.

When a child is connected to me, when he bears eyes on me, when he agrees to depend on me, then he is also open to learning.

More than that - the more the children are connected to me, the less I will have to use big tricks and aids to attract their attention and their full concentration will be focused mainly on the activity and not on the handling part of the accessories.

How is attachment formed? How do children become connected?

The attachment process is a developmental process. That is, it was built step by step, layer upon layer.

At the same time, it is very liquid. Some children will reach a certain stage at a certain age, and some will take longer. Each child and his rhythm, which is influenced by the environment, the level of references from the adults in his life, his level of sensitivity, and many other factors.

When a child grows up in an ultimate way, that is, in a natural way, when he is accompanied by attachment figures with whom he can feel safe by his side, we can see six stages in attachment that more or less correspond to his first six years:

1. In the first stage, which corresponds to the first year of his life, the child becomes connected through the senses Touch, taste, smell, eye contact, the adult's voice. Therefore, with children up to one year old we will mainly focus on connecting through the senses. We will spend time during the lesson to make eye contact, to sing with our voice and to create touch and feeling.
2. The second stage, which corresponds to the second year of his life, the child becomes connected through the likeness They are the most successful imitators. This is how language is acquired, this is how different behavior patterns are acquired, this is how social conventions are learned and this is how the child learns to behave in society. When working with children in kindergarten, I work through this instinct and the children's desire to be similar and leverage this for learning and experience.
3. The third stage, which corresponds to the third year, the child becomes connected through Belonging and loyalty. This is the 'mine' stage. That way they can be a little further away and gently maintain a connection. Even in my circle, I know that if I succeed in winning their hearts, they will keep their faith in me throughout the activity and will be oriented towards action through me.
4. The fourth stage, in the fourth year, the connection already starts to become deeper and the child becomes connected through meaning. At home, we will tell him how excited we were when he was born and how lucky we are to have him. In kindergarten, during the class it is quite challenging to start relating to each child. But I try, when the children come in, to say a good word to everyone. At the first introductory meetings of the year, I go one by one to tell me their name and on that occasion I also try to make eye contact and give a kind word to everyone.
5. The fifth stage, from about the age of four, the child becomes connected through love. He gives his heart, there are expressions of love everywhere, paintings of hearts, even to the point that they want to marry us. When a girl in kindergarten says to me at the end of class, 'Efrat, you are beautiful', I know that this is part of it. And when their hearts are with us they can fly with any activity we bring them.
6. The sixth, last and deepest stage, which appears in the sixth year, but usually takes longer to take root, is the stage where they become linked through necessity to be known and known. that they know there is someone who really sees them. Someone they can tell all their secrets to and he will accept them and love them without judgement. will direct, guide, lead, but out of unconditional love. And that is what we can try to be for them in the short time we are with them. Just love them, without judgment. I see over the years that when I manage to be in this place, and when I work more on the connection, the children want to be better for me, they are more attentive, more active and cooperate in an optimal and efficient way.

A child needs attachment. She is his safety system and is the basis for learning and development.

We are a small comma in the system, and yet, we can work wonders if we only understand this need, become aware of it during the meeting with the children and give it the necessary response.