She writes for mothers, kindergarteners and anyone who has small children in their hearts and under their care.

First of all, I would like to address the current reality that throws at us the issue that most preoccupies humans from the moment they are born, which concerns our deep urge/desire to be connected to the beloved people we are connected to, and the threat to our beloved land.

When this connection is violated, it undermines existential security. We are all in this together, each in his own way.
והילדים נושאים אלינו עיניים ושואלים, לעיתים ללא מילים: "מה קורה?" מנסים להבין, למצוא במציאות החדשה שנכפתה עלינו, פשר.

what was said
Even when they seem to be on their own business, they are attentive to us and our well-being. Their peace is tied by a thread to our peace, they sense us beyond the words that are said and also those that are not said. The sensitivity to this is sharpening these days because they depend on us so much and cannot really influence their own lives.

This is a time when mature and responsible presence and leadership is especially required of us, what is left in us, to tell them (not in words exactly) what we really want for them. Similar to how we ourselves would like to hear from knowledgeable people who are now leading the country and to receive reassurance from them.

For this you need to separate the outside that is shaking from the inside. Our interpretation and experience of life with everything that happens around passes to them and weaves for them the narrative of life at this time and dealing with it, and in this the connection to the internal resources is created and resilience is built.

The question is how do we continue to lead out of this painful reality, and where?
We are the emotional protected space of our children - the continuation of the nourishment and the feeling of security that everything is fine even though there is danger outside. We are the protective layer that creates a buffer between the external reality and the internal one. Always, but especially in times of crisis, this is our main responsibility - to guard their hearts.

(כשישובו הימים לתיקונם, ממליצה על הסרט "החיים היפים" של בניני, שמראה מסירות נפש של אב השומר על בנו מפני אימת המציאות שהם חיים בה בשואה.)

It is natural and happens to many of us, that when the certainty and sense of control is undermined, panic arises inside us. Panic causes our survival urges to pursue the attempt to return even a little of them, sometimes by sticking to the screen, to the news, tidying up the house, cleaning and more. Sometimes by the blessed act of giving and supporting others, which bring back a sense of meaning and groundedness.

And in child care, now more than usual, there are many fragile moments of burden, which turn into frustration that may erupt with irritation and anger at the children. Your tenderness and compassion towards you in these moments allows you to move forward, and treat them with the tenderness and compassion they need, especially now.

Here are some practical ways, which will support the ideas I have presented here:

**stability**
Let go of scary predictions, leave the big picture and focus on home and here and now. The goal is to stabilize, prevent disintegration. After all, it will be possible to think ahead. There will be time later. Now it's important to focus, to ask myself every day: What can do me good now? What can make me happy with my children at this time?

Little things like looking out the window together, going for a short walk, dancing, breathing - increasing our protected space together in the present.

**mediation**
The meaning of bridging is to place an imaginary bridge over what might separate or sever the relational connection. The goal is to draw attention to the next point of connection, so even though there is now a separation in our lives - from the routine of life, from father and more... we keep the connection alive.

You can make a book of drawings/letters for dad, you can keep something that belongs to him (for example a key chain). To accept father and not to be afraid that a feeling of longing will arise. It is a soft emotion that can be hugged and comforted and encouraged together. In kindergarten it is also important to have mom present, especially for those whose separation from her now is more difficult than usual.

Another mediation is about the small separations that happen during the course, which cause panic and cause increased clinging and neediness. As a prevention or at least a reduction of them, it is desirable to increase presence and a generous invitation to connect: to initiate, collect and bring together with many gestures of love through the simple conduct of life, to find the times to claim a hug, of Listening, of togetherness.

כשצריך להתפנות לטפל בעניינים אחרים חשוב לציין את נקודת החיבור הבאה, ובמיוחד בזמנים רגישים כמו הליכה לישון או יום חופשי של גננת. למשל, לפני שנפרדים בבוקר ניתן לעשות עיסוי עם קרם של אמא בידיים או ברגליים. כך הריח של אמא והמגע שלה נשארים נוכחים איתם כל היום. עם ילדים צעירים אפשר "להיפגש בחלומות", ובעיקר כשנפרדים להנכיח את הציפייה להתחדשות המפגש למחרת בבוקר, עם הרבה חום והתרגשות לקראתו.

Another thing is to remember and present what does continue to exist:
* All the things at home - the cozy bed, the games, the stories, the friends, extended family and most of all - mom is here.
* All things in kindergarten - the friends, the games, the agenda, and most of all - the kindergarten teacher and the staff are here.

**adaptation**
Here I want to focus first on you, the mothers. The reality that has been forced upon us requires each of us to grow within it new mental powers. In order for this to happen, it is necessary to accept that she is what she is now, without judgment towards myself and the fears that shake my heart. The difficult feelings that fill the heart are given a place with those who can accommodate us, with friends, family members. It is important to agree to lean and be supported.

We are all now experiencing a lot of emotional stress, which is looking for a way to be expressed, this is the way of emotion. When it is suffocated inside it is like food that spoils in the stomach and becomes toxic, then its default becomes an uncontrollable and often involuntary expression such as anger and impatience towards the children.

Acceptance of the situation at the moment and finding time and place to unload the fears, anxieties and burdens is essential for the renewal of the forces and their refinement for the rest of the way. And so for children, crying is an outlet and healing. They need it in order not to break from this situation, to grow from it and come out of it strengthened.

**How and what to tell?**
Depends on the age of the children of course. For soft children, who are protected from the situation, it is better to keep it that way as much as possible. For the older, alert and curious, don't try to plaster and paint as if everything is fine. It's not believable.

But what to tell? Thinking at young ages is very dichotomous and associative, not necessarily logical. There are good and bad, strong and weak and a heroic and strong father who protects us. And with God's help he will return to us and we will do this and that after the war is over (reconciliation).

Develop it and adapt to age gently and sensitively. Do not overload details and feelings. Not to arouse the panic that is already in the vibration now because it causes deep feelings of insecurity and powerful alpha impulses.

Listening and great sensitivity and delicacy are required here for what the children can contain and what they really ask of us in their questions. Sometimes a question can be returned in an attempt to find out what they are thinking or what they are really asking, they are not necessarily asking for actual information, but simply to hear us, that they are protected and that it will be good.

I would like to end with a prayer through the words of Adit Funk's beautiful song:
"הימים שעוד נכונו לנו
May they be true, may they be merciful
שיהיו מעלינו כמו כפות תמרים".

I invite anyone who wants to continue the discussion and consultation Anat Lebkowitz 0528393249

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